If you went back five years ago and admitted you were online dating it’s likely people would have made assumptions about you, but now it’s a complete norm. There are a huge amount of choices out there from free membership sites Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid to paid membership sites such as Match.com and the dreaded Tinder which has most singletons (and plenty of people in relationships) swiping left and right.
We’re all so busy building careers, going out with friends, working hard to get our own place and catching up with family that it can mean that we just don’t have much time to go out and meet people. When you’re out of education the only guys we tend to meet are those drunk enough on a night out to approach you and no offence men but it’s not going to happen.
I’m pretty certain the online dating world is just a reason for guys to release their creepy side, and while we’re not expecting online chivalry some normality would be nice. With online dating being such a norm now us girls (and probably some guys) tend to go through the same scenarios regardless of dating site:
We spend ages working out exactly what to write about ourselves and never end up happy after realising we aren’t that interesting. Looking for a man online can seem like looking for a job, we might as well just upload a CV.
We realise that all the photos of ourselves are either selfies or of us on drunken nights out. We alternate through the same few Facebook profile pictures and only ever remember to get our camera out when we’ve had a few too many shots and want to remember the night forever.
We will get at least five one word messages within the first hour, ‘cutie’, ‘beautiful’, ‘stunning’ and other such compliments which are clearly sent to every new member. These phrases aren’t as flattering as you think they are it makes you become the catcalling construction worker of the internet and it’s likely we won’t even look at your profile.
We will look through the profiles of guys and when we look for people within a few miles we will find at least two people we know. This is the only time when Tinder can be the preferred online dating app because they will only ever know you have said ‘yes’ if they also say yes.
After finding a few appropriate people to message we will spend a while constructing something to never hear back from him. When we hear nothing back the self doubting kicks in; we’re smart, we’re outgoing, we have a good job and our friends say we’re cute so why don’t guys like us?!?!
We will get a few people message us who are still teenagers making us feel old. Come on guys if we’re in our mid to late twenties what’s the likelihood that we will be interested in a 19 year old student? This is the time where we may wonder why we’ve got to this point in our lives, and wonder how our parents found each other without the screening of a website.
We will constantly check who has viewed our profile and spend time wondering why the people didn’t message us, and what we did wrong. Are we not attractive enough? Did they realise the friend in our picture with us was prettier than us? Did they not think we were interesting? Was it too much to admit we love dancing round our flat singing Taylor Swift? Should we just convert to being a nun and give up on the idea of love?
At least two people will message us who don’t type in proper English and we will try and refrain ourselves from messaging them back telling them to buy a dictionary and not ask girls ‘wat is up. ur lokin hot’. Are we asking too much to try and find a guy who can string at least a sentence together and maybe left school with some sort of education? I remember sending a reply to a guy correcting his spelling and he admitted I was the only person to reply to him. I wonder why!
If someone does message us back we will try and find them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin and find out everything we can about them. Are they hiding something from their dating profile? Are they actually married with three kids? You can’t hide anything from us girls we’re professional online stalkers.
After a few hours (sometimes days) we will realise that internet dating probably isn’t for us and we’re probably best to go out and start looking at cats. Sometimes too much choice is worse than not enough choice!
Fed up of online dating? Try speed dating. Find out what I thought of the experience here.