I don’t talk too much on my blog about my insecurities and how I feel about myself but I’ve been feeling very up and down the last few weeks and thought I’d talk it in reference to dating. My insecurities in everyday life come and go, sometimes I feel confidence in my own abilities and others I feel like I’m no good, but dating is when I feel the most insecure, no surprise there. My insecurities have plagued pretty much every romantic male interaction I’ve ever had from first dates and hook ups to tenth dates and relationships. My worries are probably no different from most people who suffer from anxiety and insecurities but I wanted to talk about how they make me feel and how I try to deal with them, albeit badly.
A worry I always have is whether a guy is being truthful with their feelings. In the past I’ve been plagued by
men boys who claim that they like me/ want to see me again then they either changed their minds or disappeared off the face of the earth. So now whenever a guy says something positive I automatically doubt what they’re saying which is unfair because I’m sure a lot of guys don’t like to play games. When dealing with this kind of insecurity I try and ask myself about the person in question as opposed to lumping them into the generic ‘shitty male’ category. I ask myself has this person ever made me doubt what they’ve said? If the answers no I push my thoughts aside and if my answer is yes then in all honesty the relationship probably isn’t worth continuing with.
One of the biggest worries I have is about not being good enough for people. I’ve been told outright that I’m not an attractive person, that I have flaws etc and no one deserves to be told this. Attraction is very personal and what one person might not find attractive, another will but this always worries me. While I don’t mind aspects of myself I don’t love myself and this makes it hard for me to think positively about myself so when I meet someone who seems too nice I think they deserve better than me. This is probably the hardest thing to deal with and one which I do struggle with. I overthink things a lot and a way I deal with this is to write up lists to try and motivate myself that I am actually good enough for someone by writing down what makes me awesome.
Ex’s are also a massive part of my insecurities, especially when a guy has had successful relationships previously that just didn’t work out for whatever reason. I’ve dated guys who have spoken a lot about their ex’s which in some sense is fine as I know these people are part of their lives but this gives it more time to bury in my brain. I find myself comparing myself to guys ex’s; is she prettier than me? Did they have more in common? Did she plan more fun things to do? Was she better in bed? Etc etc, and this is the insecurity I find the hardest to deal with. If anyone knows a good way to deal with this please let me know.
When I’m feeling a bit rubbish about dating or insecure I like to take a relaxing bath or go for a walk to clear my head. Most of the times these things work even if only temporary, but for most that’s all fixes will ever be temporary.