How To Set Boundaries With Friends And Family When It Comes To Money

From destination hen dos to back-to-back birthday dinners, many of us struggle to keep up with the financial demands of our social lives. With the rising cost of living, setting boundaries around money is becoming not just helpful—but essential.

Saying “no” to friends and family can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to damage your relationships.

Short-term loan lender Moneyboat teamed up with Cognitive Behavioural Therapist Vivian Cooper to share why saying no feels so hard, and how to do it confidently and kindly.

Why saying no feels so hard

Often, the difficulty isn’t really about the money—it’s about what saying no might signal.

Vivian explains: “People worry they’ll be judged, left out, or seen as mean. It can knock their self-worth because it feels like they’re rejecting their friends. In reality, though, it’s not about rejecting people at all—it’s about protecting themselves financially.”

I know I’ve either said no to things and worried people may think I don’t want to hang out. Or I’ll get immense FOMO. But on the other hand I’ve definitely gone out/ paid for activities and had to use my credit card to afford it.

One way to make this easier is to budget for socialising in advance. By setting aside a small monthly sinking fund for social activities. This way you can enjoy plans without guilt and feel more confident about what you can and can’t afford.

How to set boundaries without guilt

Honesty is usually the kindest approach—and earns more respect than excuses. A simple line like: “I’d love to come, but I can’t afford it right now.”

Vivian also suggests offering an alternative. Maybe a cheaper meal, a film night, or a walk in the park. This shows you still want to spend time together, just in a way that doesn’t stretch your finances.

You’ll probably be surprised at how much of a relief this will be to friends who may also be trying to save money.

When you’ve already said yes

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and agree to something, only to realise later it’s out of reach.

Vivian reassures: “It’s far better to say something than to push yourself into debt. A simple admission like, ‘I got carried away when I agreed, but I’ve looked at my finances and it won’t work,’ is often enough. Genuine friends will understand.”

Next time, pause before committing. Ask yourself if you’ll still feel comfortable with the cost in a week’s time. You don’t want to push yourself in debt just because you’ve said yes without thinking about it.

If friends don’t take it well

Sometimes people may brush off money worries. This can feel invalidating, but it’s important to stand firm.

“Staying connected to your own financial reality is key,” says Vivian. “If friends are disappointed, it doesn’t mean you’ve let them down. It means you’re putting your wellbeing first.”

Reframe your decision: you’re not letting people down—you’re protecting your future self from debt, stress, and resentment.

Finding the confidence to speak up

Because money isn’t always openly talked about, it’s easy to assume others are doing better. But that’s rarely the case.

“Everyone’s financial situation is different. Speaking honestly is a sign of self-respect, and it usually makes people feel more connected, not less.” Vivian adds.

If it feels daunting, start small. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations—like turning down another round of drinks—before tackling bigger conversations.

Reframing boundaries

Boundaries aren’t rejection—they’re protection. Saying no protects your finances, safeguards your peace of mind, and shows respect for your circumstances.

Remember: you’re not closing the door on future plans. You’re simply recognising that this one isn’t right for you.

And sometimes, saying no to one night out means saying yes to something even better—like saving for a holiday, paying off debt, or building an emergency fund.

Top tips for setting financial boundaries

• Be clear, not evasive. Honesty is better than excuses.
• Suggest alternatives. Keep social connections alive with lower-cost plans.
• Hold steady. Don’t let others dismiss your financial reality.
• Reframe your thinking. Boundaries are protection, not rejection.
• Build confidence gradually. Practice small “no’s” before the big ones.

Do you find it hard to say no to social plans because of the cost? How do you set financial boundaries?