Why Taking A Solo Trip As A Mum Was The Best Thing I Could Have Done

A few weeks ago, I did something that honestly felt both exciting and uncomfortable at the same time: I got on a plane and went to New York on my own for five days.

And yes, I have an almost 11-month-old daughter.

On paper, it probably sounds slightly chaotic. Maybe even selfish to some people. There’s so much pressure when you become a mum to give every part of yourself to your child, and somewhere along the way it can start to feel like doing something purely for you needs to be justified.

But the truth is, I needed this trip more than I realised.

Not because I don’t love being a mum — I absolutely do. But because motherhood can quietly consume every part of your identity if you let it. Your routines revolve around someone else, your priorities shift completely and your time stops feeling like your own. And while that’s part of becoming a parent, I also think it’s important not to lose yourself entirely within it.

I am very lucky that Luke encourages me to do things for myself still, but this was the next step. With maternity leave coming to an end soon, I knew I wanted to do something solely for me before stepping back into another huge life transition. I wanted a reminder that I was still allowed to have independence, and experiences that belonged just to me.

So I booked the trip.

And honestly? I’m so glad I did.

The guilt around doing something for yourself

I think a lot of mums will understand the guilt that comes with putting yourself first, even temporarily.

The moment I mentioned travelling solo, I got variations of:

• “I could never leave my baby for that long.”
• “Won’t you miss her too much?”
• “I’d feel too guilty.”

And of course I missed her. I missed her constantly. But missing your child and needing time for yourself can exist at the same time. They don’t cancel each other out. We had Facetimes almost every day and Luke would send me updates of what Scarlett was getting up to.

Somewhere along the way, society convinced women that good motherhood means complete self-sacrifice. That if you enjoy time away from your child, you’re somehow doing it wrong. But I don’t believe that.

I truly believe children benefit from having parents who feel fulfilled, rested, and emotionally recharged too.

Because when you constantly pour from an empty cup, eventually there’s nothing left to give.

Why I needed to be ‘selfish’

I keep putting selfish in quotation marks because I actually don’t think it was selfish — but I know some people would see it that way.

For me, this trip was about reconnecting with myself before returning to work and entering another phase of motherhood. It was five days where nobody needed anything from me. No working out weaning meals, no nap calculations, and only a schedule I created for myself.

Just me.

I walked so much. I wandered around bookstores and shops without rushing. I ate when I wanted to eat. I rested when I wanted to rest. I remembered what it felt like to make decisions purely based on what I wanted to do.

That might sound small, but after motherhood, it felt huge.

The unexpected positive: Daddy-daughter time

One of the best parts of the trip was actually what it gave Luke and Scarlett.

At home, parenting naturally becomes very shared. But those five uninterrupted days gave them space to have their own fun. And honestly, I think that was just as valuable.

Luke got full solo parenting time and the confidence that comes with it, while our daughter got dedicated daddy-daughter bonding time that they probably wouldn’t have had in the same way otherwise.

I think sometimes we underestimate how important it is for dads to have uninterrupted time too — not as ‘help’, but as equal parenting experiences.

Motherhood doesn’t have to mean losing yourself

I think there’s this expectation that once you become a mum, your own wants and identity should automatically move to the bottom of the list forever.

But I don’t think becoming a parent should mean disappearing completely as a person.

You are still allowed to:

• travel,
• rest,
• have independence,
• enjoy time alone, and
• prioritise yourself sometimes.

And doing those things doesn’t make you a bad mum. If anything, I think it can make you a better one.

Because children don’t just need present parents, they need happy ones too.

Taking a solo trip

Would I do it again? Absolutely.

Not because I wanted to escape motherhood, but because I wanted to reconnect with the version of myself that exists alongside it.

This trip reminded me that I’m not just a mum. I’m still me too.

Next time it might not be a trip across the pond, perhaps a long weekend break in Europe such as Belgrade in Serbia, or Ithaca in Greece. These hidden European destinations are perfect for getting away from the usual tourist crowds, and travellers with flexible plans may find that last minute holidays offer an easy way to discover somewhere unexpected.

And sometimes, doing something solely for yourself isn’t selfish at all — it’s necessary.