How To Avoid Money Arguments With Your Partner

Arguments are part and parcel of being in a relationship, and disagreements are normal. But did you know that money arguments are one of the biggest causes of conflict within a relationship?

Some of us are savers, budgeters and love a good old spreadsheet *raises hand*. And some of us hate feeling constrained and are frivolous spenders. And there’s nothing to say one is the ‘right’ way to be. But most of the time were arguing because we act differently with money. One person has certain priorities or goals and another is totally different.

Money is personal

Everyones relationship to money (or a lack of) has been shaped over their lifetime from experiences, thoughts and emotions. And that relationship is totally unique because everyones experiences are different. Perhaps you got into a lot of debt early on, or perhaps your family was well off but you wanted to make your own money.

Where you and your partners prior relationship to money will be different, this us where arguments begin. The key is to create a new relationship with money between us both.

Here are some ways to avoid money arguments

There’s no hard and fast rules to avoid any type of arguments within a relationship.

But research has shown that 41% of divorced Gen Xers saying that they ended their marriages due to disagreements about money it’s time to start making an effort.

Avoid money arguments by accepting your differences

The first thing you need to do is accept that you’re different. We can’t all be made the same, and where would the fun be in that?! We need to take time to understand the differences and how our lives have affected the way we view money. If your partner is overspending its not to cause an argument with you, it might be due to prior experiences. And in the same way you have to train yourself to change how you view exercise, food etc it takes time to change prior habits.

Remember that if you have children their relationship with money will be shaped by what they hear, feel and see. So resolving yours and your partners relationship with money now can have a positive impact on theirs too.

Communicate openly

This is probably the most important thing to avoid arguments, honesty and communication. Depending on the stage in your relationship, or how you’re splitting money together may affect how honest you need to be. For example if you’re freshly living with someone and splitting bills into a pot but totally owning your own spending money and savings you may need to know less than a couple who are married with kids and pool all of their money together. Where you draw the line is up to you but communicate that with your partner.

Make sure your conversations are void of accusation. It’s hard to reveal things like debt with someone so go into any conversation with an open mind and focus on why you may want to change a habit, and how you can overcome it together.

My experience with communicating about money

Me and Luke spoke money quite early in our relationship, we were open about what we earned and he was open about some credit card debt he had (minor in the grand scheme of things). And over time we have continued to be honest and communicate about money. We’re in the later category above and share everything because it’s what works for us. So that means it’s super important that we communicate and align our goals as we’re saving together. We discuss the top things we’re currently saving for to check we’re both happy with that and where our money is going.

This works for us, but it’s totally fine if you don’t want to be this open. Just make sure you communicate this with your partner so you’re both reading from the same hymn sheet.

Avoid money arguments by dreaming together

If you’re with someone and talking about money chances are you see a future. In the same way you’d chat about whether you want to get married or have kids, you should talk about your money dreams. What’s important to each of you and what you both want. If one of you is dead set on wanting to buy a big house in the countryside, but the other one wants to save to be able to travel the world and never settle down your money future goals don’t align.

Try and always have some money of your own

Even though we pool all of our money together we always get some weekly ‘pocket money’ which is ours to do with what we want. And this is incredibly healthy as it allows you to make choices for yourself. If you want to save up week on week to buy a fancy handbag you can. Or if you want to spend it all the second you get it that’s your choice. You can avoid money arguments by setting boundaries on what is totally your money, and what’s your joint money. Again where that split happens will be different from couple to couple.

Do you argue about money? How do you avoid money arguments?

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