Is It Selfish to Want Time Away from Your Baby as a New Mum?

When you become a new mum, your world changes overnight. Suddenly, there’s a tiny human who depends on you for everything—feeding, comfort, sleep, and love. It’s both magical and overwhelming all at once.

I wasn’t instantly a maternal person, I used to think I was too selfish to have a kid. I still wanted to do my own things and have my own identity. So when me and Luke decided to have kids we agreed that we’d still do things to make each of us feel like ourselves and not just ‘mum’ or ‘dad.

But the question still exists of ‘Is it selfish to want some time just for myself?’ The short answer? Absolutely not. In fact, carving out time away from your baby isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

Why new mums feel guilty about wanting space

Society puts huge pressure on mothers to be endlessly devoted, self-sacrificing, and available 24/7. Social media doesn’t help, with picture-perfect snapshots of mums who seem to be coping effortlessly. This can make it feel ‘wrong’ to admit that you want—even need—some time away from your little one.

But here’s the truth: needing space doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. It means you’re human.

I still love live music, trips to the cinema and meals out. And I’m not going to stop doing them just because I have a baby. Yes I’ll be doing them less and being more considered, but I still want to live life.

The benefits of having time for yourself

1. Your mental health matters

Motherhood is intense, and without breaks, burnout happens quickly. Even a short walk, a coffee alone, or time with friends can recharge your mental batteries.

2. You show up better for your baby

When you rest and recharge, you return calmer, more patient, and more present. Your baby doesn’t benefit from an exhausted, frazzled mum—they benefit from you at your best. When I come back after an afternoon out, or even just a trip to the shops I am so happy to see my little one.

3. You maintain your identity

This was the biggest benefit for me: you’re still you—beyond being ‘mum’ Keeping up with hobbies, relationships, or even just enjoying a quiet moment helps preserve your sense of self. I have a group of child-free friends who I tend to go to gigs with and I love it. Just because I have a baby now doesn’t mean I want to stop going because live music is a part of me. It just means I only go to things I really really want to go to.

4. Rest fuels recovery

Your body has been through an enormous change. Taking breaks, whether that’s through naps or time away, supports your physical and emotional healing.

How to make time away possible

• Split time with your partner: When you’re both home together take it in turns to have some time out. At the weekend me and my husband will each take a couple of hours to do our own thing while the other looks after the baby.

• Start small: Even 20 minutes with a book or a bath while someone else watches the baby can make a difference.

• Accept help: Let your family, or friends step in. You don’t need to do it all alone. And I know my parents love looking after her, and she gets time with her grandparents.

• Plan regular breaks: Whether it’s a weekly exercise class or a coffee date, putting it in the calendar helps normalise time for yourself.

• Ditch the guilt: Remind yourself that self-care isn’t indulgent—it’s survival.

How I’ve managed it as a new mum

The biggest way I’ve done it is splitting time with my partner. While it may not always seem like it mums and dads are equal parents and dads can look after the baby as much as we can.

When Scarlett was about five weeks old I took a trip into London for a morning and afternoon having a solo date. I went to some nice food places, read in a coffee shop and wandered some stores, and it was great. Later in the year I have some shows and book events coming up so Luke will have some daddy daughter time.

A few weekends we’ve done cinema trips where Scarlett has spent a few hours with her grandparents. They’ve loved spending time together and she loves the extra attention. And it gives us time to do stuff we enjoy.

Is it selfish to want time away from your baby as a new mum?

Wanting time away from your baby isn’t selfish—it’s a sign you care enough about your wellbeing to recognise your needs.

Babies thrive when their parents are supported, rested, and emotionally healthy. So the next time guilt creeps in, remember: taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your baby.

If you had a day to do anything you wanted, what would you do?