Reflecting On My First Year Of Being A Mum

A year ago, I became a mum for the first time (give or take a few days).

Even writing that feels strange because for so much of my life, motherhood didn’t feel like it was for. If you’d told me ten years ago that I’d be writing a blog post reflecting on my daughter’s first year of life, I probably would have laughed.

At the time I didn’t want children. I was focused on myself, and being someone’s mum felt so far removed from my reality that it was difficult to imagine.

And yet here I am, almost a year into motherhood, wondering how the longest and shortest year of my life has gone by so quickly.

I didn’t know you could love something this much

Before becoming a parent, people constantly tell you that you’ll never experience love like it. Honestly, I thought that sounded a bit cliché.

Of course I love Luke. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my furry children. How different could it really be?

Now I understand.

It’s impossible to fully explain until you experience it yourself, but there is something completely overwhelming about the love you feel for your child. It’s there from the moment you meet them, but somehow it continues to grow every single day.

I didn’t realise it was possible to care so deeply about another human being. I didn’t realise that seeing a tiny smile could instantly improve your mood.And I didn’t realise how much joy I would get from the smallest things.

Watching her learn something new, or seeing her personality develop. They’re moments that are so special.

Most of what I do is for her

One thing motherhood has taught me is that so many of my decisions now have someone else at the centre of them.

Most of what I do, I do for her.

I work for her, I save money for her, I think about the future because of her and I make decisions with her in mind. Of course I still have goals and ambitions for myself, but there’s now a much bigger purpose behind everything.

I want her to grow up feeling secure, loved, supported and confident. And I want her to grow up rich with experiences and fun times with her parents.

And while she probably won’t realise it for many years, so much of what happens behind the scenes is driven by wanting to give her the best life possible.

Motherhood has changed me (a little)

I’ve changed so much over the last year, and not always in ways I expected.

Some changes have been obvious like I’ve definitely become more emotional. I regularly cry over heartwarming videos of strangers on Tik Tok, and that’s okay.

I would say I’ve become more efficient with my time, but I’d like to say I was pretty good at that before. But I have had to be more confident in my decisions and thoughts. Is she wearing the right layers for bed? Does she need something to ease the teething pain? Or is that patch just dry skin?

Not losing yourself is so important

One thing I was conscious of before becoming a parent was maintaining my identity. And it was something me and Luke talked a lot about before choosing to have Scarlett.  I love being a mum, but I never wanted motherhood to become the only thing that defined me.

I’ve been very lucky that Luke is very supportive and encourages me to continue doing the things I love, whether that’s gigs, book events, meeting friends, or even a long weekend in New York. And we’re so lucky to have amazing parents who have had fun days and sleepovers with Scarlett. I know not everyone has the opportunity to do those things, and I never take that for granted.

I do believe it’s so important to maintain parts of your identity outside of parenthood. Having interests, hobbies, goals and experiences that belong solely to you doesn’t make you any less of a parent. If anything, I think it makes you a better one.

Taking time to recharge, pursue your passions and remember who you are outside of being ‘mum’ allows you to show up as the best version of yourself for your child. I want my daughter to grow up seeing that motherhood can be an important part of your life without having to become your entire identity.

The challenges were real too

I don’t want to pretend the past year has been perfect because it hasn’t. Although I do think in the grand scheme of things we have been very lucky with Scarlett.

But there have been difficult days where I’ve felt exhausted, questioned whether I was doing enough and feeling like balancing everything was impossible.

Motherhood is wonderful, but it’s also relentless. There’s no clocking off or proper uninterrupted breaks that aren’t full of wokr.

And while I wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s important to acknowledge that two things can be true at once: motherhood can be the best thing you’ve ever done and the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

Seeing her smile is still my favourite thing

Out of everything that’s happened over the past year, the thing that makes me happiest is still incredibly simple.

Seeing her smile.

No matter how stressful the day has been, how tired I am, or how much I have going on, her smile instantly puts everything into perspective. It’s impossible to explain how much happiness one tiny person can bring into your life until you experience it yourself. She has completely changed my world.

Year one onwards

I can’t believe how quickly this year has gone, the newborn and baby stages are gone, never to return. And it’s just a few weeks until I head back to full-time work which is a strange feeling.

But we have so much to look forward to as she starts to walk (and run), talk, and we have our very first holiday later this year.

And I’m excited for everything that’s still to come.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned during my first year as a mum, it’s that the ordinary moments are often the ones you’ll treasure most. And while I never could have imagined this life ten years ago, I genuinely can’t imagine life without her now.